Always grateful for a timely period.
Phi disclosed to me that my mom specifically called him crying to say she didn't want him to watch Tilly because she didn't want me to go to VietNam.
I was surprised at first because I didn't know. I thought she just called to vent about my not wanting to move mattresses back and forth needlessly after a core workout and persistent stomach pain.
And now it's hitting me how manipulative and inexcusable that is. I don't ever want to be controlled in that way. So what's the alternative? Lots of money saved for specialty dog boarding. Or just a car good enough to live out of while we travel within the country. Fuck. Forgot about the title. Have to take it to the MVA? Idk.
Why am I here? If kids can run away or get kicked out at 18 and still survive, wtf is my problem? Is it the knowing how much I rely on medication? Or looking at people with regular schedules for reference? Or knowing without anything I feel I need to prove and nobody to hold me accountable, I just.... wouldn't do anything?
Can I accept that and be happy? Or would I be miserable either way because of the micro-aggressions, as well as very blatant messaging that this is clearly the lifestyle of a lesser being?
I don't understand social media. I feel like there are things I want to say to the public. But also I fear being misunderstood. Does it ever stop feeling performative?