So.... many things have happened.
I got through my luteal phase without a major breakdown.
I started vitex for PMDD. Banking a lot on this coming through for me.
I started a job as a greenhouse worker. Where the sunshine and greenery is. So.
I think the key for luteal phase is to let myself stay home. Also, all the migraines happened the week before my period. Sometimes as soon as I got into the car, sometimes because I could hear noises upstairs.
As I am feeling immense joy for the first time in sooooo long, I was filled with anxiety. Perhaps the feeling is too unfamiliar. Or too precious, and the thought of how far I'll drop from such heights rightfully unnerving. But working at a garden nursery fills me with joy. Caring for beautiful plants, in gorgeous weather, interacting with people who like plants, surrounded by cats. Even if things go sour at some point, how beautiful to finally feel joy.
Same with a recent romantic endeavor. Is it all pheromones? I don't know. But most men do not smell good to me at all. So if the scent alone is allowing me this very silly human experience, so be it. I can't remember the last time I felt this physically drawn to someone. Maybe.... 2014? Conversation is lacking. But if it's a once a decade feeling, I can allow myself to feel the giddiness. Even if it goes nowhere. At least I'm old enough now to know that chemistry alone does not equate a strong foundation for a long-lasting and meaningful relationship. It's just nice to feel... human... in a way I haven't felt in a very long time.
I guess it's also spring. So even if it's just the seasonal depression lifting, I'm so grateful.